Thursday, December 2, 2010

"At the end of the day, the fact that we have the courage to still be standing is reason enough to celebrate.”
-Meredith Grey,
Grey's Anatomy

Tuesday, November 30, 2010

And the fight for you is all I've ever known..

Sometimes I wonder why we hold on to things the way we do. Why is it that we find it so hard to let go? Of what we used to know, what we thought we knew, what we wanted to believe we knew..

I know it all sounds rather convoluted.
Why would we fight for things that aren't really even on the periphery of who we are any longer?
Why would we hold on to things that do nothing but hold us back?
Why would we cling onto mere fragments of things we used to know simply because they happen to be things we used to know?!

I think it's because to some extent, things we used to know are a part of who we are today. They don't necessarily define us, but the battle scars we bear are a symbol of everything we've come through, everything we stood for, everything that led us to this moment.

Saturday, November 27, 2010

Somehow I felt this odd sort of Déjà vu when I wrote this..

Creamy white
Unlined
Untouched
Thick parchment

Fallen tears
Smudged
Flawed
Blotted imperfection

Sheer frustration
Scrunched
Crumpled
Discarded thoughts

Thursday, November 18, 2010

Songs for you, truths for me..

What is it about reality that makes it so hard for us to face? Is it the fact that it's so blatantly in-your-face that it's simply easier to ignore? Is it because we don't want to believe certain things because if we do, we'll have to rethink everything we've ever known as "the truth"? Is it because we don't want to step out of the happy little bubble we tend to live in?

I've always believed in the "grey". The disputed. The arguable. The interpretation. After all, isn't everything subjective? Isn't the point of the myriad differences that define us, to see things in our own unique way? We can't possibly all conforn to just one way of thinking.

But what do you do when reality hits you in the face? What do you do when it proves that you've been wrong all along? What do you do when there's nothing you can say or do to change it? Because no matter how much you argue it, the reality isn't really "grey", is it? It's harsh. It's painful. It's heartbreaking. But in a world full of people who bend the truth to suit themselves, it's the only thing that's still absolute...

Monday, November 8, 2010

Raindrops on Roses

I love:

1. TSRS Uncensored - school magazine and my editorial board :)
2. Bitching sessions with Siddhant, who adamantly retains that "Boys don't bitch"!
3. Cristina Yang and Meredith Grey's friendship.. "You're my person" type.
4. Audrey Hepburn movies (How to Steal a Million, Sabrina and Roman Holiday are my top 3!)
5. Dressing up. Applying, removing and then reapplying a ton of makeup and trying on a million different things before picking the right outfit
6. Kahlil Gibran
7. Being able to pick up the phone and just dial without thinking to pour my heart out. And knowing that even if they tell me I'm a world class idiot, no matter what, some people will still be there to catch me if I fall..
8. Elif Shafak's 'Forty Rules of Love'
9. School - I even love school lunch now. *sigh* the thought of graduation does that to you
10. People watching
11. One Tree Hill (Lucas Scott + Nathan Scott + The Soundtrack + the voiceovers)
12. Personification
13. Lord Byron + Tennyson + Wordsworth
14. Joshua Radin's huskily awesome songs
15. Mocha lattes and cinnamon sugar doughnuts
16. History classes with Vasavdatta ma'am :)
17. Glitter pens, coloured post its, rainbow paper clips and all kinds of cool stationery
18. Shakespearan sonnets
19. Piggy Ducky Cow
20. The fact that I'm the only person I know who can finish an entire Death by Chocolate at Sweet Obssessions
21. Dancing to songs playing in my head
22. Vanilla perfume
23. FOREVER 21 - My second home. Oh and that the guy at the counter recognizes me now. (He winks at me everytime I'm there!)
24. Pretty shoes that make you feel all princess-y
25. Procrastinating
26. Nanking - the restaurant, not the province
27. Pink bows
28. Memoirs of a Geisha- Hatsumomo's my favourite!
29. Poignant quotes that somehow sum up everything entirely and dreaming about days when somebody will feel that way about things I write! ;)
30. Lying on an endless stream of golf-course type green grass and trying to discern shapes in the clouds
31. Making lists about everything we've left to do and hoping that caramel popcorn and movie marathon day will finally come:)
32. Being told that I'm the tiniest chief in the history of chiefs- it makes me feel special :P
33. Winnie the Pooh- especially Piglet :*
34. Happy endings

Saturday, October 30, 2010

Lucas: Sometimes I wonder if anything's absolute anymore. Is there still right and wrong? Good and bad? Truth and lies? Or is everything negotiable,left to interpretation, grey. Sometimes we're forced to bend the truth, transform it, because we're faced with things that are not of our own making. And sometimes things simply catch up to us.
But the truth is still absolute. Believe that. Even when that truth is hard and cold, and more painful than you've ever imagined. And even when truth is more cruel than any lie.
-One Tree Hill

Friday, October 8, 2010

It shouldn't matter

It shouldn't matter. That seed that takes root in your heart. Those tiny little niggling thoughts that make you feel less than whole, like a part of you is missing. You can't explain why they started, why they spread their tentacles through your mind and preyed upon your insecurities until they drained every part of you.

Self doubt is a strange thing. It feeds on your thoughts until you feel as though you can't survive without it. Like every well informed patient, you know the prognosis. You've tried to battle it with incurable optimism, but somehow it manages to bounce back with ever persistent resoluteness.

It shouldn't matter. These thoughts shouldn't matter.But somewhere, deep in the recesses of your heart, you know that while they shouldn't, they just do..

Monday, October 4, 2010

...

Dashes of dazzling sunrise yellow
Ripples of languid cherry blossom pink
Splashes of fiery auspicious vermillion
Streaks of mysterious midnight blue
Swabs of ethereal mystical purple
Dabs of passionate flaming scarlet
Pools of pure pristine azure
Rivulets of molten mercurial silver
Swirls of vibrant emerald green
Waves of calm cerulean blue
Flecks of warm honeyed gold

Thursday, September 30, 2010

"Love is a temporary madness. It erupts like an earthquake and then subsides. And when it subsides you have to make a decision. You have to work out whether your roots have become so entwined together that it is inconceivable that you shall ever part. Because this is what love is. Love is not breathlessness, it is not excitement, it is not the promulgation of promises of eternal passion. That is just being in love- which anyone of us can convince ourselves that we are. Love itself is what is left over when being in love has burned away, and this is both an art and a fortunate accident. Those that truly love have roots that grow towards each other underground, and when all the pretty blossoms have fallen from their branches, they find that they are one tree and not two"
-Dr Iannis
Corelli's Mandolin,
Louis de Berniere

Friday, September 17, 2010

It's been a while since I posted something..
I suppose it's because I find myself inwardly cringing at the thought of turning my laptop on and punching away at disjointed letters. There's nothing quite as satisfying for me as picking up a pen and letting the words flow onto a blank, creamy white sheet of paper. I've never been able to vent my frustrations by typing out my thoughts primarily because of the sheer poignance of the written word. As each thought forms, the words just creep onto the paper and seem to carry an undefinable part of you. Each funny quirk in your handwriting- whether it's a curlicue or a whimsical flourish, is a representation of you in that moment.

To my mind, there's a sense of staccato in every word that I type. Everything appears on a screen with such an utter lack of individuality. Perfectly formed letters without any breaks.. A far cry from my distinctively childish handwriting. It seems like an endless stream of words that one strains to internalise from something as impersonal as a screen.

I've always felt that even the emotion behind words comes out more when you actually sit and write them. A hurried scribble, painstakingly perfect calligraphy, words that are blurry through the layer of tears that smudged them, capitals that indicated how terribly angry you were, hearts that dotted your "i's" when you were in a particularly good mood, a hastily written post script... They're all a part of you. How do you give up a part of yourself and sit and connect alphabets on your keyboard??

But I suppose it's a paradox that I'm sitting right here on my bed and producing a diatribe against typing when in fact I am doing nothing more than connecting alphabets in the hope that my thoughts may actually translate into a blog post that I can send out into cyberspace! :)

Thursday, July 15, 2010

Words

I've always felt that every word comes from a place. Each sinew of our body is hardwired to say something. Angry words, bitter words, joyful words, passionate words, exhilerated words, dark and twisty words, words that we never actually meant to say, words that we didn't have the heart to use, words that made us feel better just as they rolled off our tongue, words that made everything that much more complicated, words that we just can't help but say, words that made us want to dance, words that bewildered us, words we couldn't possibly hope to hear, words that killed us inside, words that made us feel more alive than we ever believed we could feel..

Whether a single syllable or entire books, words wield an unimaginable power over us. They cry even as our heart bleeds, smile as though our innermost desires have been fulfilled, sing as if they'll never stop, grimace as if shying from all the pain they're trying to hide,weigh down as though the very Earth would collapse under them, burn as though fed by Tartarus, quench as though satisfying a lifetime's thirst, devour as though trying to satiate an eternal hunger..

Words.
Sometimes, you just can't seem to find the right ones...

Wednesday, May 19, 2010

Shades Of The Night

I wrote this a really long time ago, for the school magazine... just felt like posting it! :)

The Song of Twilight resonates through the atmosphere as the last rays of the proud Sun fade away. A Melancholy of sorts sets in. Cobwebs of Uncertainty gather the earth in all their ethereal frailty. Gloom spreads its tentacles far and wide. Chaos and Confusion slowly begin their onslaught. The shackles of Pessimism trap the mind. The reign of Turmoil has begun. The Night brings with it a vast army, ready to exterminate every Joy, every Security. Darkness envelops the Earth in its black shroud.

The Moon’s silvery beams peek through. Half veiled, releasing the Earth from the clutches of Sadness, dispelling the Shadows that had caged the world. Hope shines through Despair. The world finds Comfort in the spray of stars that illuminate the Heavens. And aloft on silken wings, Dreams reach a new high.

Thursday, April 15, 2010

As The Night Falls..

Rose pink and vermillion rays weave their way through the pale blue sky. The cottony white clouds stand out starkly against it until the rays begin blending through them too. The sun slowly begins its descent, all the while shining over the still waters of the boundless ocean. There is serenity, acceptance of yet another day embracing the night. Light giving way to a pall of darkness that slowly falls. Shades of deep purple swirl through the vastness of the heavens. The moon slowly makes its presence felt as the night creeps in. A handful of silvery stars scatter themselves across the sky, illuminating everything in their path. The ocean slowly begins churning. Languid ripples begin turning into mighty waves, crashing against the shore as the moon and the ocean begin their nightly skirmish. The waves whirl and dance at the moon's whims, desperately seeking to rebel...

Friday, March 19, 2010

The Endless Tussle...

"Your reason and your passion are the rudder and sails of your seafaring soul. If either your sails or your rudder be broken, you can but toss and drift, or else be held at a standstill in mid-seas. For reason, ruling alone, is a force confining; and passion, unattended, is a flame that burns to its own destruction"
-Kahlil Gibran


It's hard to find a balance between your head and your heart. No matter which path you choose, the would've beens/could've beens/should've beens always find a little corner in the back of your mind and begin niggling their way into your daily existence. Had you listened to your heart and taken a chance on something/someone you truly felt for, maybe you'd be living out your happily-ever-after. Had your powers of reason directed you instead of your foolish heart, maybe you wouldn't be stuck in the situation you're forced to confront every day of your life.


Whatever the case may be, we live our lives constantly surrounded by regrets. We dwell in the past, wallow in self pity and generally mope around. But once in a blue moon, our head and heart decide to accomodate one another.. We find the answer in the back of the textbook, so to speak. The balance returns. And hope springs eternal... Maybe someday we'll reach the place we're searching for. But this, here, is not so bad either...

"Therefore let your soul exalt your reason to the height of passion, that it may sing; And direct your passion with reason, that your passion may live through its own daily resurrection, and like the phoenix rise above its own ashes"