This past year, I have used every possible excuse not to blog. Laziness, lack of time, lack of energy and even the crappy excuse that the world identifies as Writer's Block.
The truth is, I've always felt like I should write what I see, exactly how I see it. But, this year has made me question everything that I thought I knew. The things that I took for granted, now lie in a crumbled heap in some crevice of my mind. Revaluation is tough that way. When you're forced to confront things that you accept as fact, you realise the sheer incompleteness of your knowledge. I cannot write what I know, because I'm no longer sure if I know anything at all.
"Time heals all wounds"
This is the number one fail-of-a-platitude that is force fed to you everytime life drops a bombshell. Because if enough time passes the pain has to ebb away, right? What a crock. It isn't going anywhere. You can't expect to wake up one morning and be magically cleansed of all the hurt you carry. If the source of your pain continues to be a thorn in your side, I can pretty much guarantee that you will want to punch a wall, or the person (if it is indeed a person causing the pain). And I'm sure forgiveness is great, it's greatly advocated for release and catharsis and whatnot. But what do you do when anger is all that you have left? When it is the last shred that you hang on to?
"Let it go"
This one is the worst. If it meant something, how do you let go of it? When you invest a part of yourself in anything, you have expectations. And when the expectations aren't fulfilled, you feel cheated. The worst part is, you can't even not invest yourself in things, because then you'll never feel anything at all. So in the delicate balance that keeps you weighed between believing and brushing it aside, you need to pick your battles carefully. Letting go is not always an option. Because sometimes it's an acknowledgement of failure. And nobody wants to fail, even while we subconsciously set ourselves up for it.